Hello, I’m Emotions. For most of my life, I have been suppressed, by myself and others. I have many forms of sensation, but I often don’t feel safe to experience them. No-one ever showed me how to manage my sensations or to express my many selves in a healthy way. Often, I would be shamed for crying, or feel guilt for making someone else upset by my playfulness. So instead, I learnt to push sensations down, criticise and ignore my experiences. This suppression would often happen more when I felt that I was threatening or triggering to others, or simply ‘wrong’ by some kind of external standard. I learnt to disconnect from feeling anything at all. This worked pretty well for a while, in helping me survive, but in time, the internal pressure of suppression began to take on a sensation of its own. Nausea. Anxiety. Deep, heavy, suffocating tension. Back ache, headaches, digestive illness. The list goes on. The energy of my sensations began to boil up. Generating intense conflict and fear for my safety, my sense of ‘control’ was being terribly threatened! I had to keep myself under wraps! I did everything I could to mask and numb and cover over…desperately trying to build a ‘house of control’ out of straw. But the cracks were cracking and as sure as roots growing under pavement, pushing up and out, desperate for freedom, the sensations rose. Overwhelm. Shutdown. Meltdown. Just, down. Down, down, down into a spinning, spiral of sensation. Out of control (whatever that was!). An ocean of waves. I am waves. I am waves. I am tidal waves of sensation. I am drowning in my own sensations. What can I do?!
EQUANIMITY
Dear Emotions. I feel you AND you are allowed to feel you.
You have much energy at hand. You are an ultimate source of renewable Hydro Power! Let’s help you harness your waves.
I am Equanimity.
Some people think of me as a kind of numbness! But how critically wrong they are! My dear, darling Emotions. I am here to help you find your buoyancy amidst your waves, not cancel them out! What lunacy!
The meaning of my name, Equanimity, is that ‘all things have equal value’. When it comes to you, Emotions, my attitude helps those who experience you to allow all of your expressions to be felt. Anger, sadness, love, laughter, rage, jealousy, joy. All are equally relevant and all will equally pass. How can you distinguish one ocean wave as being better or worse than another? Every wave is made of the same stuff, the same qualities and each have the same fate; transformation. The ocean would be stagnant without them.
I am the skill of ‘allowing’.
I am the power in non-reactive awareness.
I am the container for fullness, emptiness, diversity, singularity, everything and nothing, equally.
I present to you the freedom of feeling, without freezing.
I offer you a channel to conduct conscious choices.
I empower you Emotions, to rise and take form so we may see you and reconcile all of our fears.
For you are the Great Ocean,
And I am the Spirit Level.
Love Ange x
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